I don't know why i always find myself awake late into the night thinking. There is something mysterious and enchanting about the early morning hours. I feel like it's a searching time. Like i'm trying to find something i've lost, yet i don't know what it is. I just know that there is a deep place in me that is trying to be discovered. Maybe it coerces me to hold on to the night just long enough to hear it cry out for attention. It's strange really. Something about the way i live and love and hope, dwells in the night season. Maybe it's the tension of knowing that mercy is about to come? I some how think that God is anxious to release it to us, and just maybe i feel that in His heart. I'm really not sure. I just know that there is treasure hidden in these lonely hours. I just honestly don't know where to dig sometimes. Maybe it's the only time i really feel as if I can be me? Like i can actually exist without the external pressures of pleasing people or being overly concerned with what responsibilities I have. There was a time long ago when I would cry out in the night. Before responsibility and "maturity" got a hold on me. There was a time when i would tend the flame in the temple and not let it go out. Where it was just he and I and all of heaven. But now there is today, and all the things that have been drug along from then til now. I long for the innocence to return to my heart. For honest tears to flow in brokenness once more. I have sat in the seat of cynics for far too long. I have heard their judgments and musings long enough. I wish to be free once more. I want a merciful heart and loving spirit. I fear i have shut the world out and God with it. I want Him to come back and dwell in my midst. I want Him to be my center. My vision. My hope. My resting place. My peace. My love. My desire. My passion. My obsession. Jesus, come and break away all that hinders love. Until i am undone and at your feet. There is nothing and no one that holds the keys to my life, but you. Come for me once more.

Sometimes you wake in the midst of your day as realization consumes you, and feel that your heart has been seized. Held for ransom deep within, by your broken soul that fears it. This is a call to win it back. This is the call to rescue it from apathy and indifference. This is the journey in.